Many of us never really think about what having a relationship with yourself really means. However, it is the key to everything we truly want in life; the key to peace, joy, contentment, love, and connection. Often we are not aware that it is our automatic thoughts about ourselves and of life that robs us of the very things that we are striving to attain. We often think that the way we can attain love, peace, joy, contentment, happiness, is by perfecting the “content” of our lives. If we get the “right” job, the “right” amount of money, weigh the “right” amount, be in the “right” relationship, we will find what we are looking for. The longer we pursue these goals as a means of attaining happiness, the more we recognize that the feeling of happiness or peace when the goal is met never lasts long.
THE HAMSTER ON THE HAMSTER-WHEEL
The minute we achieve a goal, we are onto the next, thinking that it is the next goal that will provide us with the feelings we are trying to achieve. It’s like we’re hamsters on a hamster wheel, always running towards something to make us feel the peace and satisfaction we crave, only to recognize that the feelings are still out of reach. The more we are stuck in this pattern of searching for perfection, the more anxiety, depression, overwhelm, dissatisfaction and disconnection we feel. We believe that we need to keep “fixing” ourselves to achieve what we desire. This fixing and perfecting creates a relationship with ourselves in which we feel like we’re not enough.
END THE VICIOUS CYCLE!
The way out of this vicious cycle is to recognize that you are trying to perfect yourself to feel like you are whole, and that is a race to nowhere. You are already whole. And, this automatic habit gives us no access to a change in our focus. Having a satisfying relationship with yourself involves grounding yourself only in the moment right in front of you. It involves constantly recognizing the habit of trying to fix and perfect. When you are able to accept exactly what is, and exactly what isn’t, you develop a relationship with yourself that is peaceful and loving. And it is this peaceful and loving relationship with yourself that is the basis for everything that you want in life. Moving from the unconscious, automatic habit of fixing, changing and perfecting, to a conscious choice to accept yourself and your life exactly as it is in this moment, is the key to a life of joy and gratitude.